You will unlock the door to the light.

So, I have been playing a strange amount of Kingdom Hearts lately, finding myself swept away into the story of a videogame that I know inside and out. Some people think that this game because of its attractive and friendly mix of Final Fantasy and Disney characters isn’t manly enough and would venture that games along the Devil May Cry or Resident Evil series are more appropriate for my age and gender. But. Kingdom Hearts is amazing. In every way possible. And for a child that grew up in the midst of the Disney monopoly and the Final Fantasy obsession, Kingdom Hearts is a godsend. A GODSEND, PEOPLE.

But that’s not even the point of this entry.

While I was beating the first Kingdom Hearts game for the third time since first playing it back in eighth grade, I was thinking about just how easy it is to get completely swept up in these other worlds. It’s no wonder why these games, especially one like Kingdom Hearts, are so addicting to under stimulated suburban kids. Or even under stimulated adults. Or anyone, really.

These worlds are beautiful in a way that our current world cannot be without a large dose of imagination or something else that is not so innate. Like many games, Kingdom Hearts gives you the chance to be hero, to save not only your world, but an infinite number of worlds from darkness, from the evil that threatens to engulf them completely. How can someone not like that situation? Doesn’t everyone want to be the hero at some point in his or her life? Well, then again, there are some people who would rather be the saved than the saver, but this entry isn’t about those silly geese.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if life were really something along the lines of a videogame. If I were really the hero, Sora, and I was presented with the opportunity to either save the world(s) or run away, which option would I choose? It is the one thing that makes these videogame characters very unbelievable, isn’t it? The heroes in these games rarely fight the option to become someone great. Sora never questions what fate has brought upon him and accepts the Keyblade without even a second of hesitation. Doesn’t everyone wish that it was that easy?

If you were presented with the chance to save the world, would you be so ready to automatically jump into the darkness and fight your way to the light? You may say yes without thinking about it, but is that really true? One can never know what one would really do in a situation unless that situation manages to manifest. I’d love to think that I would grab at the chance to restore the order of the worlds and bring light back to areas engulfed by the darkness, but would I? Could I? Or would I let my fear overwhelm me, my anxiety over failure consume me until I was completely useless?

Of course, the decision would be made a whole lot easier if it were possible for me to resurrect myself just by choosing the “Continue” option while in Limbo every single time I died.

Videogames give me a way to be a hero when it seems like nothing relatively heroic is going on in my life. Sure, it’s just an escape, not really all that important, right? But I like it. Everyone has a method of escape, and pretending to be the naïve but admirable Sora is certainly a legitimate way to distract myself for a while.

I will probably continue my need to be a hero by replaying Final Fantasy X (I never did beat that game) and perhaps playing Kingdom Hearts II for the third time. Then I’ll be manly and play Devil May Cry 3. Although, honestly? I’m so pathetic I cannot and never have been able to get past the first level on that thing. Yeah. I really do suck at being a demonic hero. Who would have guessed?

The world(s) of Kingdom Hearts is/are so much prettier, anyway. With all the sparkles and pretty… things. Devil May Cry doesn’t have sparkles and pretty things.

I think we can see which is the superior game.

Ty in a field of abstraction.

Instead of doing anything productive with my time, I “paint” pictures with my personality when I’m bored. Yes. It’s totally the most amazing thing, oh, ever.

Click here to create your own painting.

Memoir Meme

I thought that this was the cutest thing when Miss Demure Restraint brought this to my attention, so I figured that I might as well comply.

Because I am lazy, I will quote what the fabulous Miss D said in her Memoir Meme post:

“It’s a six word memoir, inspired by Hemingway, who once bet ten dollars that he could sum up his life in six words. He came up with: For Sale: baby shoes, never worn.”

Some rules you might want to know:
1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3. Link to the person who tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4. Tag five more blogs with links.
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

After thinking for a while, I finally came up with Ty’s six-word memoir:

Ingredients: Laughter, loyalty, love, reckless abandon.

Since I know few people in the blogging world, I’ve tagged the two that I know (more will be added later) and hope that they either haven’t been tagged before or don’t mind the tagging. We’ll see where this goes.

The Tagged:
Live, Love, Whatever
You know Oli, I can see your point.

Saving Fish From Drowning.

I want to tell you a story
I can promise neither a Disney-flavored ending
Nor a tale dripping with the scent of good family fun

In fact, I think that this story requires parental supervision
Can you give an autobiography a rating like a movie?
Why is it that we all seem so much more scandalous on screen?
When imagination is superfluous, do reservations prevail?

Here’s the thing, Tiger
You and I, we won’t make it
I can see you shaking that pretty head of yours
But I promised you from the beginning that I wasn’t going to lie

Our eyes are going to meet from across the room
We’ll look past the mutilated bodies and the mountains of cocaine
You’ll glance up and smile at me just after taking a particularly potent hit
I’ll wink at you just as I’m pulling the syringe out of my arm
No, no, not the arm
Tonight, it is the back of my knee
There are a lot of tracks that I’ll run in life
But some of them you were never meant to see

You are never going to tell me the truth
Not completely
You’re going to fill our bed with half truths and insecure doubts
Or maybe that was me
I’m going to tell you how beautiful you really are and
Dear God
You’re going to hate me for it
We all need something to hate

Pause ||

Do you need an intermission, Champ?
Take a break, get some water to replace the tears that you’re sure to shed
Then again, maybe that was me, too

Rewind <<|

Play >

We all need something to hate

Sometimes after we’re done fucking, I’m going to despise you
I’m going to hate the way you taste
No
I’m not
I am only going to hate how your words feel while nibbling on my earlobe
Their favorite meal is my ego, which they devour with infantile eagerness and desperate need
I won’t stop it, though
I’ll only glare at you, the taste of your orgasm still on my tongue
When you say nothing, I’ll turn my back
Secretly hoping that you will place your calloused hand on my shoulder and say something
Anything
To combat the silence

But you won’t
Ever
And I will wallow in my own self-induced misery while maintaining the stubborn silence

Every night you’ll tell me that you love me
And I’ll believe you
I don’t know why

You’re like a god, high on your throne among mere mortals
I’ll turn my head toward you one day and I’ll swear for a second that your throne is made from the anxieties and fear that you elicit from me
But only for a second
When I come back to my senses, I’ll realize that your throne is made of nothing so abstract
(How could you sit on that, anyway?)
But rather something concrete like the boys you got bored with before me

Eventually, I’m going to grow tired of the constant feelings of inadequacy
And you’re going to be sick of my inconsistencies
You’re going to grow bored
And I’ll be so weak
I won’t even CARE

One more hit, one more bump
One more round of sex because, fuck, we’re such fantastic lovers
I’ll enter you slowly and then tear you apart
I’ll do to your cunt what you did to my heart
So ironic, ‘cause you’ll like it
You’ll moan my name and call me Daddy, won’t you baby boy?
Your little tan body will tremble oh so beautifully
And, honestly, it’ll be so hard for me to let you go

You’ll run right, I’ll crawl left
You north, I south
I’ll lick my lips as I dream about you
But you’ll only see me when your vision is filled with a cloud of white

Are you still listening, Chief?
Are you still lucid?
This story hasn’t ended yet
Grimm hasn’t collected the conclusion to this tale
You know what really happened to the Little Mermaid?
She drowned

Baby, I love to swim

For a while, I will hold the belief that you will save me
But by the end of our story I’ll realize that you were only saving fish from drowning.

Story of my life in a nutshell.

I think that if a few people had just given me a card like this from the beginning, my life would have been so much easier.

- Courtesy of My Million Dollar Year.