Hallmark is imbedded in my bloodstream.

I’ve been debating about whether or not to put this in here, whether or not this was important. Then I realized that this was my blog, and it really doesn’t matter what is important, what isn’t. I can put whatever I want in here, right? Right. So bear with me while I post something that may or may not have any relevance to you, but means something to me.

A nice MSN conversation, eventually leading to a phone conversation. This was the only part of any of our words that really mattered.

Dawson: You know Ty, my schedule will get even worse once I start running again.

Ty: Yes, I know.

Dawson: I’ve been running fifteen minutes a day now. After every workout. So my leg is definitely healing. So it won’t be long.. ><;

Ty: At least you’ll be happy, with your running and all. I can’t complain.

Dawson: I just feel horrible that I won’t be able to spend as much time with you. I don’t know. It makes me a bit afraid, do you understand? That you just might very well get sick of it and look for someone else. Because honestly Ty, as much as I’d like to spend time with you, I don’t know how I’ll manage with school, work, gym time, and training. ><; I can’t blame you if you did, you know. -.-’

Ty: You’re scared that I’m going to dump you?

Dawson: I don’t know. Maybe.

Ty: You know I’m not going to do that. We’ll figure something out. As long as you don’t plan on falling out of love with me anytime soon, I guess we shouldn’t worry. Well. I shouldn’t worry, is what I should really be saying.

Dawson: Never.

If anything, I think that it is apparent that the boy really does care about me, which is more than I can say for the last few people that I have directed my affections toward. I’m just not sure why I keep falling for people who have no time for me. It seems that I am attracted to people who have lives; who are busy and doing things and working towards goals. The only probably with that is that while my lovers are working toward their wonderful goals, I’m sitting alone at home wishing that they could halt with the goal-working for a few hours and just spend some time with me.

Before Dawson there was Sean, a twenty-seven year old computer programmer who was cute, intelligent, creative, and entirely self-involved. I never got to see him, and I grew bored extremely quickly while he was off immersing himself in his work. Doesn’t really matter; I could tell that he wasn’t all that into me anyway. For the first time in my life I felt young and immature, and it wasn’t something that I really enjoyed. Plus, Sean needed someone who was as in love with work as he was, and that definitely wasn’t me.

Before Sean, there was Jared. A young man that I have so much history with that it would be pointless to try and summarize it all into one simple paragraph. Maybe, one day, I’ll explain the intricate, heart breaking, beautifully morbid story that is the one about the Jared and Ty relationship, but that day is not today. For now, I’ll merely state that in between his numerous job changes and the other relationships that he was having while having one with me, not to mention working on getting his PhD because he was (and still is, I would venture to say) a genius at twenty-two years of age, I talked to him sparingly. It depended on the month.

The personalities between Dawson, Sean and Jared are completely and utterly different; it is difficult to find one thing that the three of them have in common other than the fact that they are always busy, busy, busy. Is it so wrong for me to want someone that isn’t moving through life so fast, that isn’t rushing to become something? Not to say that I want to be with someone who is not going anywhere, who has no goals at all… but, just someone who has some time.

I haven’t seen Dawson in over two weeks, and it is starting to wear on me a bit. I don’t want a long distance relationship. I don’t want to go weeks without seeing the one that I love. The boy only lives forty minutes away from me, so why is it so difficult for us to be together for an hour?

So, while the rest of the world is either out with their lovers on Valentine’s Day or sitting at home moping because they don’t have lovers, I’ll be sitting at home wishing that my lover had some time.

The crazy part of it all? I hate Valentine’s Day. And I still want to spend it with him.